Hogwarts At The Zoo
by Pho3niX
Summary: Seventh year seems normal - until Malfoy suddenly obtains an interest in Hermione, insane plate wars begin in the Great Hall and Dumbledore sends them to a Muggle Zoo.The last thing on their minds now is the workload - their whole yr level has gone crazy!
1. Train stations and a strange encounter

Hello, people! This is the second story that I'm currently working on at the moment. I know that I said in my profile that my first story was going to be called "Who wants to play Spin-the-Bottle?" (yet another DM-HG Harry Potter fic) but I haven't managed to post that story yet. I'm still perfecting it and working on finishing at least two chapters of that before I post it. And, by the way, I will try to update as soon as possible, but please be patient, because I'm in Year Ten this year, and our teachers have decided to give us tons of work to prepare us for VCE. I understand that many readers hate stories that never get updated; I can sympathize with them, because I know just how frustrating that is! So, I will try my best to update as quickly as possible. Oh, and one other thing: I'm Australian, so don't get confused by the different spelling of some words. And talking about spelling...I'm obsessed with correct spelling and grammar, so kindly inform me of any typos so I can fix them if I missed them whilst editing this. Thanks!   
  
Disclaimer: Lol, if I owned J.K. Rowling's series of Harry Potter, I'd be cruising around the world right now, spending my millions of dollars, not sitting at home writing fan fiction and being totally broke!! So, by the way, don't sue me, because like I said before, I've got no money! No, wait, I might be in luck! Aha! I have a total of 60 cents! Yay! Lol... Anyways, none of the following characters belong to me, nor the setting either. However, I do happen to own the plot, because it came from my own wacky, creative (or I hope creative!) mind!  
  
Now...on with the actual story!!! - Enjoy, most wonderful people who I hope will not only read this but review!! hopeful look  
  
Hogwarts At the Zoo  
  
Chapter One: Train stations and a strange encounter  
  
Hermione Granger slipped gracefully through the barrier to Platform nine and three-quarters. Her liquid-almond eyes skimmed over the crowd of Hogwarts students, and finally came to rest on a pair of boys. The red- headed boy towered over his fellow students, while the boy next to him stood out by his messy dark hair and alarmingly bright green eyes. Hermione smiled and leapt up, waving madly. The boys caught sight of the petite girl and grinned back as they moved towards her.  
"Hermione!" Ron, his red hair cut stylishly and now dropping slightly into his eyes, shoved a poor first year rudely aside and Hermione up into a smothering hug.  
"Ron! It's wonderful to see you again!" she exclaimed, then lightly punched his shoulder. "Put me down, oaf, you'll squash me!" Ron laughed and obliged, handing her into Harry's waiting arms. Harry swiftly hugged her, then set her upon her feet once more.  
"Oh, Harry, I missed you so much, too! Summer has been dreadfully boring without you two trouble-makers to liven up my holidays!"  
Harry smiled warmly, absently running his hand through his black shock of hair, briefly revealing his vivid lighting scar. "Yeah, Maya, don't you regret not going with us to the Burrow now? You should know by now that you can't resist our charms forever!" he winked roguishly at her as Ron laughed.  
A cold, cruel voice interrupted their reunion. "Your charms, Potter? Exactly what would those be? Being lucky enough to receive a horrible scar? Being pitied by the girls so much that they go out with you?" The blonde, powerfully muscled boy stood behind them as they whipped around, a sneer twisted upon his face. Hermione couldn't help but stare at the older and quite obviously even more undeniably attractive Draco Malfoy. His hair was no longer slicked back, but instead fell into eyes that to Hermione were as cold and frozen as ice, blue ice. No emotions save hate and contempt swirled in their depths. With a shudder, she tore her eyes away from his, afraid that Malfoy would see her looking at him. The slight, almost suggestive smirk and his raised eyebrow told her that she had been caught red-handed. Or rather, red-eyed. She squirmed under his calculating gaze. Harry and Ron noticed his look and glared at the arrogant blonde. Malfoy let his eyes rove carelessly up and down Hermione's length. His appreciative look sent shivers down her spine and caused Ron to make strangling sounds whilst Harry held him back forcefully. (AN: Hmmz...I wonder if Harry might need a leash to keep Ron in check in future chapters, since there will be lots more of Draco and Hermione scenes to come! -) "Well, well, "he murmured thoughtfully. 'It seems my precious Mudblood has grown up over the summer – even managed to tame that ludicrous bush that you called hair, have we? I think, Potter, that it's the other way around...you can't resist her charms, which is obvious, since she is well-known to be the play toy for the 'Golden boys.'" The smirk spread across his face and his eyes glittered balefully at Harry and Ron.  
Hermione's temper snapped. Seething with fury, she stepped forwards and went to smack her hand across his face and wipe that smug look right off it. Unfortunately for her, Malfoy wasn't Slytherin's Seeker for nothing, nor did he ever refuse to learn from prior mistakes, especially ones from his third year. His hand shot up and caught Hermione's in a hard, punishing grip. She blinked, and then desperately tried to tug her hand away. Hermione knew that attempting to slap a Malfoy, as satisfying as it was, wasn't exactly high on her list of smart things to do.  
Malfoy grinned maliciously at her and jerked her towards him. "Oh no, you don't, sweetie. We have a few...issues to resolve before you leave, don't we, hmm?"  
Hermione's eyes blazed as she hissed at him, "Don't you dare try to intimidate me, Malfoy. Because, guess what? Your dear daddy's not here to get you out of trouble, is he? Pity for you, he's locked safely up in Azkaban, but don't worry, you're heading in the same direction so don't miss him too much! Besides, I'm Head Girl, so you can't touch me!"  
Malfoy's grip on her wrist tightened as he glared at her, a fire raging within his eyes. Hermione whimpered, knowing that in her anger, she had finally gone too far. Behind her, she could hear Harry and Ron struggling to get past Crabbe and Goyle to come to her aid. Hearing her whimper, Malfoy looked at her, and his eyes seemed to flicker slightly with molten silver, before changing back to slate, cold grey. He bent his head and his lips brushed against her ear as he murmured, "Don't ever say that again." He breathed into her ear lightly. "And you really think that I can't touch you, Hermione?" His other hand slid around her waist and jerked her up against his chiselled chest, as Hermione gasped, red flooding her cheeks and a tingling sensation trickling down her spine. He laughed softly. "Think again, Hermione."  
Malfoy released a shivering Hermione from his grasp and slid away into the crowd, beckoning to his cronies. Harry and Ron rushed over and pulled Hermione into their protective embrace.  
Harry looked at her, his eyes full of worry. "Are you all right? We couldn't see what he was doing to you, but for a second he looked like he was seriously going to crack it and kill you, Maya. Ron and I panicked, but Crabbe and Goyle –"  
She cut him off, gently speaking to her two best friends. "I'm alright, don't worry. And don't feel guilty; I know you guys were trying to help me. It's just Malfoy, after all. What can he possibly to do me? I'm not the smartest witch in this school for nothing, you know." She smiled shakily at them, but still saw the worried looks the two boys exchanged. Personally, she didn't want to answer her own question, nor did the boys, it seemed. She knew they all feared the lengths that Malfoy would go to for revenge.  
Harry forced a cheerful smile upon his face and tactfully decided to change the subject. "So...anyway, how have your holidays been, Hermione? The Burrow was excellent, we had loads of fun." At this, Ron's face turned scarlet as he muttered, "I don't get it; my house is plain, it's just magically run, that's all!" He listened, however, as Hermione told them about her trip to Spain, and how Crookshanks, having been left at home, had torn up her bedroom in search of his mistress the day after she left. The boys laughed, then Harry regaled her with the story of how Fred and George managed to slip a Canary Cream into Percy's lunch packet. Fred and George had apparently nearly choked with laughter at dinner that night when Percy complained that someone must have cast a spell on him at the Ministry, causing him to "turn feathery" and therefore manage to drop feathers on his boss's desk. Percy primly informed the family that many people were after his highly important job of Assistant to the Head of the Magical News section, which consisted of him serving coffee and carrying reports, and so it was clearly an act of sabotage by a lowly accountant. Hermione laughed along with Ron and Harry.  
Ron suddenly cocked his head to the side and peered at Hermione, before turning to Harry with a puzzled expression. "Hey Harry... is there something different about Hermione this year?" Harry rolled his eyes, and then shared a smile with Hermione, who tossed her now perfectly straight, honey-brown hair over her shoulders in exasperation. "Her hair isn't bushy anymore, Ron. Don't you remember the ferret's comments about Hermione beforehand? Actually," he turned back to Hermione and grinned sheepishly, "I think your hair looks great, Maya. In fact, your whole new outlook is amazing! You really have grown up, Hermione."  
Ron turned red with embarrassment at not noticing this, then turned even redder after Hermione caught him looking her up and down to see her new style of clothing – trendy and fashionable, rather than her normal baggy robes. His face burning like a red lamp, he muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Okay Ron, keep cool...you like Lavender, remember?" then he added more clearly and loudly, "Uh, let's go get a compartment on the train, shall we?" the other two laughed and followed him, Harry with his arm slung casually over Hermione's shoulders as they chatted away. She didn't notice it, but Harry quietly kept a lookout for Malfoy, determined to look after Hermione, who was like a little sister to him. 


	2. Pinkhaired surprises for the Golden Trio

Hi again, everyone! Millions of thanks to my reviewers, I love you guys!!! I really appreciate feedback from my readers; it inspires and motivates me to write more! Lol! Now I finally understand what one of my best friends was trying to tell me the other day, about how great it is when you get reviews! Thank you to the following people for your reviews: Lauren, daniel-radcliffes-girl, Emma Watson Rules, Meg, Draco Malfoy's Babe, and Zuvalupa. And here's the second chapter that you have all been waiting so patiently for. Well, after the annoying disclaimer lol. Oh, and yes, daniel-radcliffes-girl, I can tell how much you love it! Haha

Oh, and by the way, "indicates speech" and 'indicates thought'.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except 60 cents!!! Please don't sue me, I happen to like my precious 60 cents!…Yes, well, I wish I owned the Harry Potter series but I don't, so no reason to sue, I just like using J.K. Rowling's characters for my own creative writing. =)

Aaaand here we are! The next part of my story! Read on, and enjoy! Oh, and review, of course! Otherwise I'll be all lonely and sad cuz no-one reviewed to tell me how my story's going! By the way, if you have any suggestions as to how I can improve my story, or add another character like Lupin into the story, please tell me. Thanks.

**Hogwarts At The Zoo **

_Chapter Two: Pink-haired surprises for the Golden Trio _

Hermione absently toyed with her fork, her chin propped on her hand. She gazed around the Great Hall, watching her fellow students enjoying the start-of-term feast. Glancing up at the Head table where the teachers sat, she saw Snape avidly glaring at the new DADA teacher. Hermione looked away; she didn't recognise the new teacher. She was, however, thankful that the teacher didn't look like a second Umbridge in the making. She unconsciously shuddered at the thought of another woman like Umbridge coming to teach them.

Harry gave her a curious look, then leant over and muttered, "Something wrong, Maya?"

She gave him a weak smile, and shook her head. "It's nothing, really. I was just thinking about Umbridge…"

Harry looked gravely at her for a moment, then put his arm around her and gave her a reassuring hug. "Don't worry, Dumbledore won't ever let Umbridge find a way back into this school, and no new teacher could ever be as horrible as Umbridge…they can only get better." He tilted his head in the direction of the new teacher and smiled gently, squeezing her shoulders briefly, before letting her go. Hermione smiled at him, a real smile, glad that her best friends were so understanding. She looked over at Ron busily shoving a whole jam tart into his mouth, prompted by a dare from Dean, and smiled ruefully. Well, maybe at least one of her best friends was understanding and noticed when she was feeling down.

A prickling feeling at the back of her neck caused her to whip around, feeling as though she was being watched. After surveying the Great Hall and seeing no one acting suspiciously or else too busy to have been staring at her, she shrugged and looked back down at her golden plate. She started to doze off, feeling warm and content after eating her fill of scrumptious food. Vaguely, she could hear Harry enthusiastically telling Ron about the new tactics he had devised for this year's Quidditch matches, since he was now Gryffindor's Quidditch captain for his last year at Hogwarts.

Hermione jerked awake as she yet again felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise, and this time she was certain someone was looking at her. Twisting around in her seat, she looked around before glancing up at the Head table. With a jolt, Hermione realized that the new teacher had been the one looking at her. The professor seemed to notice that Hermione had caught her staring and suddenly became very interested in the star-bedecked ceiling of the Great Hall. The teacher glanced at Hermione, saw Hermione's suspicious look, and promptly decided to duck underneath the table, her black hair the only thing now visible. Hermione stared at her weirdly for moment, concluded that their new DADA teacher was now officially insane, and went back to poking at the remains of her dinner.

Hermione closed her eyes, chin once more upon her hand, and attempted to drift off, not even bothering to listen to Ron's explanation to them about the new Firebolt that was expected to be in Quidditch stores next year. Opening one eye, she lazily perused the great hall, and then skimmed over the head table, pleased to see that the strange teacher was now looking at Snape, not her. Hermione frowned and sat up; was that a _glare_ she saw the DADA teacher give to their potions professor? Incredulous, she opened her other eye and watched, highly amused, as the two teachers, apparently engrossed in a glaring contest, both looked aggravated and annoyed. The new teacher's bright pink hair, cut in a radical style, kept falling in her face, causing the glare to lose some of its effect. 'Well,' Hermione thought to herself wryly, 'At least she seems to hate Professor Snape… that's one thing she's managed to do right so far. But the pink hair? That's just totally wrong, and I don't even have a good sense of fashion!'

Smiling, she turned to Ron and opened her mouth to ask him to pass the water, then froze. 'Wait a minute,' she thought, '_Pink_ hair?! She had _black_ hair two minutes ago!' She didn't notice Ron's bemused look as a suspicious feeling caused her to turn in her seat. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at none other than Tonks, Auror for the Ministry of Magic, and now, apparently, their new professor. Hermione groaned inwardly, knowing how erratic Tonk's behaviour and looks could be at times. Tonks grinned at her expression, and winked. Hermione continued to stare, for once in her life at a loss for words.

Ron, meanwhile, was staring at Hermione strangely. "Harry," Ron absently elbowed the black-haired boy in the side, causing him to choke on his treacle tart. "What's the matter with Hermione?" Ron suddenly noticed that Harry had rapidly turned red and was too busy spluttering to answer, and cheerfully thumped him on the back.

Harry drew in a ragged breath as Ron muttered, "Sorry, mate." Harry glared. "I did say sorry, Harry."

Harry relaxed slightly, and picked up his precious treacle tart, nibbling on it. Ron stared. "What?" Harry demanded, offended.

"You _nibble_ your food? Are – Are you – "

"Hell no!" Another green flamed glare. "I just like my treacle tarts, okay? They're special!"

"Ri-ght…anyway, look at Hermione, she's just gaping at something, looking like a fish."

Both boys stared at Hermione for a second, before following her gaze to the new DADA teacher, who was merrily waving at them. Harry and Ron's jaws dropped open soundlessly as they gazed at Tonks. "Damn," Ron muttered, "but that woman is too happy all day long." Harry and Hermione laughed.

All three turned away from Tonks when they heard Seamus asking them if they knew who the Head Boy and Girl were. Hermione suddenly beamed, and pulled out her brand-new Head Girl badge, polished to perfection. Lavender, Parvati, Ginny, Ron, Harry, Dean and Seamus all enveloped her in a huge group hug, ecstatic.

After they pulled back, Ginny exclaimed, "Wow, Maya, we should have known you'd be Head Girl; you're the best student in Hogwarts, after all!"

Hermione drew herself up, flipped her hair back and grinned at them. "Naturally."

The group laughed, then Ron added, "Yeah, even the Ferret-boy can't top Hermione's marks for anything, no matter how much that slimy old git marks him up. Snape really needs to wake up, clean his hair" the Gryffindors sniggered at this, "and realize that his house just isn't up to scratch, not even his prized Malfoy."

Dean and Seamus raised their glasses to Ron in a silent salute. "Good on you, mate!" they chorused, identical evil grins on their faces. All the Gryffindors nearby cheered, except for the first years, who looked at them like they were insane, which, of course, was entirely true in some cases. The first years kept glancing up nervously at the scowling Severus Snape.

Hermione felt someone's gaze burning into her and looked up, right into a pair of intense, silver-grey eyes. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat under his gaze, then suddenly remembered her pride and sat up tall, giving Malfoy an icy glare. He looked taken aback for a moment, then almost amused at Hermione's indignation at being stared at. Quite as abruptly, he reverted back to his trademark smirk, casually flipped her off, and returned to his dessert.

Hermione slammed her fist onto the table, sending her plate rattling up into the air and off the table, seething. "That ugly, selfish, spoilt little _brat _is really pushing it today!" Ron and Harry glanced at her, startled.

"Geez, Hermione, next thing we know, you'll be swearing in public at the top of your lungs! What's gotten into you lately?" Ron asked.

"One word: _Malfoy._" Hermione hissed angrily. Harry glanced at the arrogant blonde, who for once didn't seem to be doing anything nastier than eating, and turned to Ron with a shrug. Both boys glanced at the red-faced girl, before looking at each other and nodding in unison as they muttered, "PMS…"

"I heard that!"

"Shit!" Both boys dived under the table for cover. Hermione pretended to growl in anger, and watched as the boys shrank even further under the table. She covered her hand with her mouth to stifle her sniggering, then finally took pity on her best friends and burst out laughing. "You two are so gullible!"

Ron emerged from under the table, followed by a very embarrassed Harry, and said, "Hermione, you can't use the word 'gullible' anymore."

"Oh?" Hermione arched an inquisitive eyebrow. "And may I ask why not?"

"Dean said that they decided 'gullible' wasn't a proper word and so they stopped putting it in dictionaries." Dean, sitting across from Hermione, snorted into his banana sundae, a half-disguised grin on his face.

Harry rolled his eyes and smacked Ron on the head. "Ron, you idiot, Dean was just joking around, and you actually believed him."

"Which proves, " Hermione continued smugly, "that you really _are_ gullible." Ron glared, and opened his mouth to protest, but Dumbledore stood up and spoke, effectively cutting Ron off.

"Students," Dumbledore's voice rolled through the Great Hall, "Just before your house prefects show you to your dorms and give you this year's passwords, I would like to announce this year's Head Girl and Head Boy." Murmurs sounded throughout the hall as students looked around, trying to guess whom the new Heads were.

Hermione looked extremely pleased with herself, then she suddenly turned to Ron and Harry and muttered, "Hang on, you two didn't tell me which one of you got the Head Boy placement."

Ron and Harry looked at each other, before Harry whispered, "Neither of us got it, Maya."

Hermione's eyes widened in despair. "Oh no, then that means – "

She was interrupted by Dumbledore's voice proclaiming, "Our new Head Girl is Hermione Granger, of Gryffindor." A loud roar resounded throughout the Great Hall, and even the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw students cheered alongside the Gryffindors. The Slytherin table, however, either hissed at her or merely looked unimpressed. Dumbledore waited patiently for the din to recede, before continuing. "And our new Head Boy for this year is Draco Malfoy, of Slytherin." Hermione groaned loudly and buried her head in her arms glumly. Harry and Ron looked shocked for a moment, and then joined the rest of the Gryffindors in glaring at the smug faces of the cheering Slytherins.

Dumbledore added, "Hermione and Draco, kindly stand up so the students can see who you are. Oh, and congratulations to both of you." Hermione raised her head and slowly stood up, forcing herself to look into Malfoy's eyes. They glittered smugly at her, and yet for moment she thought she saw a wisp of molten silver in his eyes, before he smirked at her and his eyes became cold as ice once more. She stared at him, and with a sigh, concluded that her last year at Hogwarts was not going to be her best year.


	3. Biased, Greasyhaired Snakes and Heartfel...

**A/N: **Hi again everyone! Before my wonderful reviewers from the past two chapters decide to write another review flaming me for my extremely late update, let me explain! Firstly, I started off tyring to finish this chapter in a rush, wanting to update A.S.A.P., but couldn't seem to find enough inspiration at the time. I suppose you could say I had a bit of a writer's block. Anyway, by the time I finally managed to start typing up all the new ideas that eventually popped into my head, many unfortunate things decided to happen. (Just my bad luck!) Our computer in the study, the one I normally type my stories up on, decided to go nuts on me. The monitor went crazy, then something inside the computer decided to start burning and the computer went into Safe mode and kept on restarting whenever somebody turned it on. Then, when the computer wasn't fixed but was working well enough for me to use Microsoft Word, the light fell off the ceiling and crashed onto the study floor, so I couldn't go into the study until that was all fixed up. Like I said, pure bad luck. I then tried to use the other computer, but it's so addled with Spy ware from the net that it doesn't work properly half the time and then after we installed a program to get rid of the Spy ware it deleted one of the programs needed for the modem to work, so I couldn't even go online and post my story! So I'm terribly sorry about the huge delay, and please, please, please, forgive me! (We have new computers now so that's why I've finally managed to update.)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the characters created by J.K. Rowling; I only own this perhaps somewhat ridiculous plot. Oh, and by the way, I now have ten dollars instead of sixty cents, but please, don't sue me! I need the money for the holidays! Anyway...on with the story!

**Hogwarts At The Zoo**

**_Chapter Three: _**_Biased, Greasy-haired Snakes and Heartfelt Statues._

Hermione sat down slowly, then once more buried her head in her arms. "Why me? Why _Malfoy,_ of all people!?" She groaned and sank further into her seat.

"Come on, Hermione, you can handle him, it's always been us two who have let Malfoy's antics get to us. You're always the cool, level-headed one." Harry soothed gently, patting her back.

"Hey, just think, it gives you equal power to him, now you can hex him all you like! Who knows, you might actually hex him into better looks." Ron grinned. "And as for the rest of those mangy Slytherins..."

"_Ron_! I can't abuse my Head position!"

"_He_ will!" the boys chorused, shooting deadly glares at the smug blonde.

Professor McGonagall suddenly stood as the golden plates were magically swept clean. "Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy, please come with me."

Hermione groaned again miserably. "Give me a nice funeral, guys." She said glumly as she stood up and followed Malfoy out of the Great Hall. Ron and Harry looked worried, but managed to smile and wave her off.

Hermione growled in frustration as Malfoy pushed her aside and swept into Professor McGonagall's office, leaning over to murmur in her ear, "Mudbloods are always last, remember, Granger?" Hermione had never before wanted to hit someone so badly. She contented herself with glaring daggers into his back and imagining his slow, painful death.

He turned around and smirked suggestively at her. "Checking me out, now, Granger? Just remember I'm too good for you. Although," he continued lazily, running his eyes up and down her form, "I suppose I could lower myself enough just to give you the time of day and maybe play with you for a bit." He laughed softly at her outraged expression.

"No, actually I was imagining ways to kill you – _slowly_." She hissed through gritted teeth, boiling with rage.

He leant over and with one long fingertip brushed her mouth. "Sure, Mudblood." She shivered at his touch, sensing tingles once more going down her spine. He smirked at her knowingly.

The door swung open, and Professor McGonagall swept inside, Snape behind her. She stared at the two students briefly, wondering why they hadn't started a full-blown war by now, then shook her head and sat down primly in the chair behind her desk. She looked gravely at the two young adults seated before her, one sitting on the edge of her chair, eager to hear her duties and the other one slouching back in his chair disdainfully.

"Now," she began, "I expect that you two should be aware of both the responsibilities and the privileges that come with the Head title." Malfoy smirked, and Professor McGonagall pointedly ignored him. "You are naturally required to meet with the Prefects from each House every week to discuss matters, give them their new patrolling roster which will have been made by you two and when the occasion arises, appoint tasks to each person for any upcoming school events, such as the Christmas Ball."

Snape rose and took over. "You are both, of course, allowed to deduct points from any House where you see fit, but, _Miss Granger_, I expect you to be aware that no biased point deducting will be taken into account." Hermione gaped at him wordlessly, fuming with anger. '_As if I would be biased towards any student! It's _Malfoy_ who uses his position to terrorize younger kids and take away Gryffindor's points. Oh, wait, I forgot: Snape favours Malfoy, he's probably happy that Malfoy now has the ultimate chance to make Gryffindor lose the house cup. Dumbledore must be crazy to make Malfoy Head Boy.' _

Snape continued on, almost cheerily, after giving Hermione a slight smirk, daring her to challenge his earlier remark. Hermione didn't take the bait. '_Oh, just _wait _till I get my hands on that slimy, evil –_ Snape's droning voice cut her off abruptly. "Dumbledore has also asked us to inform both of you that you will both receive detention if you are found to be fighting, duelling, and so on. In serious cases, we may have to consider taking away some of the privileges that come with the head positions, or even removing you from the title of Head Boy and Girl, replacing you with two other prefects. The Headmaster required us to give these warnings since it is well known that you two are not...the best of friends. As Head Boy and Head Girl, you are required to set an example for the other students and to help mend inter-house relations. Is that clear?" Malfoy and Hermione both nodded.

"Well," Professor McGonagall's voice was brisk and cool. Her face lit up as she looked at her star pupil, then her smile became tight-lipped and pursed as she glanced at Malfoy. "Congratulations once more to both of you. Now, I believe you two are anxious to see your new Head dormitory. Come with me."

Silently, the two students rose and filed after her out the door. Professor McGonagall led them up four flights of stairs, pausing only briefly to scowl at Malfoy and lift Hermione magically out of the trick step on the stairs leading to the third floor. Hermione had accidentally brushed the sleeve of her robe against Malfoy's arm while climbing up the stairs. Malfoy, naturally, had been disgusted and had retaliated by shoving Hermione aside, coincidentally into the trick step. Hermione was _not _a happy girl after that. Being shoved aside countless times in one night by Malfoy and then finally pushed deliberately on the stairs so that her leg had been painfully trapped in the step was not high on her list of things to do with her life. The brunette was highly irritated and already ready to strangle Dumbledore for making Malfoy Head Boy.

Professor McGonagall stopped next to a statue of a lion resting on a heart, and alongside it, a snake coiled around a cracked heart. The lion blinked slowly as the snake hissed at Hermione. "Password?" the golden beast rumbled.

"Tao yen zhí ai." Professor McGonagall said, and then turned to Hermione and Malfoy. "I trust you can remember your password?" The two students nodded impatiently. The statues moved to either side, dragging their respective hearts with them, revealing an ornately carved passageway lit with torches. Professor McGonagall led them through the passageway, and opened a door leading into a Common Room decorated in gold and green, with touches of red and silver on the bookshelves lining one side. Malfoy's mouth curved slowly into his famous smirk as he noticed the highly Slytherin-like majority of the decorations in the Head common room. Hermione merely beamed at the huge and richly furnished room, pausing only to look at Malfoy, puzzled as to why he was smirking. Malfoy watched, almost amused, as expressions flitted across the brunette's face. He saw quite clearly her mouth opening in shock when the light bulb finally went off and she realised exactly why he was smirking. She glared daggers into the comfy, deep _green_ couches and turned a pleading look to her Transfiguration teacher. Professor McGonagall shook her head and gave Hermione a pitying look. "I'm sorry, Hermione, but the Headmaster seemed to think the colour coding had been done quite fairly and appropriately. At least there is plenty of gold."

Hermione could have sworn Malfoy's smirk just got bigger. "Actually, Professor, I think it's quite suitable. After all, as I'm in Slytherin, there should be plenty of green shown." Here he gave Hermione a superior look as she fumed silently, telling her that he clearly thought his colours should be shown more because he was higher up on the social scale. "And besides, I always did rather fancy gold, as it is the winning medal colour...pity Dumbledore didn't see the resemblance and put gold as part of Slytherin...then again, perhaps _some _Houses need some encouragement to actually think they were the winning House." He ended smoothly. Hermione glared at him, as did Professor McGonagall.

As he didn't actually specify all of his comments, the professor could only do so much. "Mister Malfoy, I suggest you do not imply anything else in a degrading way about the other school Houses, unless you are keen for a detention so early in the year. May I remind both of you that you need to be seen co-operating with one another to boost Inter-House relationships and try to heal the particularly large rift between Gryffindor and Slytherin. You need to be on your best behaviour and to set the proper example for your school peers. Now, unless you would like me to repeat my lecture, I will leave you both to settle in. Good night." Professor McGonagall briskly stepped over to the door, and slammed it slightly too hard behind her as she left.

Malfoy sniggered. "Doesn't take much to irritate your precious House Head, does it, Mudblood?"

'_Don't hit him, don't hit him...bad guys always get their own medicine thrown right back at them sooner or later...Is he _smirking _at me?!...Ignore him, Hermione, he's not worth your time...He's worth your punch...Oh, shut up, ignore the stupid Ferret... Oh, what the heck.' _Hermione whirled round and promptly sent her small fist flying into the face of Hogwart's resident Ferret Boy. Malfoy's head jerked back from the impact, his eyes widened in shock. Hermione, immensely pleased with her work and already seeing the wonderful black eye coming up, laughed at him wholeheartedly.

'_On second thoughts...maybe I really shouldn't have punched him...Damn, but it felt so good...Uh oh, someone's not happy...Hmm...now seems like a good time to make my exit...' _Glancing at the now livid boy in front of her, Hermione turned tail and bolted towards the nearest door. Unfortunately, she bolted straight into the room designated as the Head Boy's bedroom. Hermione stopped as deep, vivid green hit her eyes, coming from all directions. She slowly pivoted around, swearing as she realised this room was intended for the Slytherin Head Boy: Draco Malfoy. She had literally walked into the dragon's lair. Well, running for her life into the room, anyway.

'_Great, just great...Smart move, Hermione...now what!?'_ The door slammed violently behind her, and she whirled round only to crash into someone's chest. Someone's very warm, very comfortable chest. 'Hmm...A girl could get used to this...so warm...he must work out...' Hermione's thoughts trailed off as she realised exactly who she was leaning against. She leapt back with a yelp, mentally slapping herself for thinking such absurd things.

She looked desperately for an escape route. After briefly considering jumping out the window in the hazy idea that it would be a more pleasant death than one at the hands of an angry Malfoy, she decided to face him determinedly and be brave in the name of Gryffindor. _'Yeah...and die in the name of Gryffindor pride and courage at the hands of an evil psychopath otherwise known as Malfoy.'_ Hermione snorted, and Malfoy gave the cornered Head Girl a strange look.

"Well, well, looks like the Mudblood has run out of places to run to and hide. Ready to apologise yet? If you do, I won't be quite so harsh in my punishment." He smirked at her balefully, eyes narrowed to slits of silver. '_If looks could kill, I'd be dead three times already.' _Hermione thought uneasily, backing away from the taller and much more powerful boy in front of her. He just laughed cruelly and stepped towards her, eyes glittering in triumph as he savagely grabbed her arm and wrenched her towards him.

**A/N: **That's all for now, kiddies! - Oh, and by the way, it was my friend Kim's idea to leave this chapter on a cliffhanger, just to be evil....so go blame evil Kimmy! Lol. Ahem, yes, well, anyway, like always, please review and then next time I might not leave it on a cliffhanger! And to those people who read my stories and are too lazy to send in a review or whatever the reason is, well, I'm sure you would appreciate it if people reviewed your stories so please spend two minutes of your time sending me a review! I really like feedback from my readers, just to see what you like and what you don't like or have a problem with, so that it can be fixed. Besides...reviews make an author feel loved and it's a great support! Haha... I'll give you a Schmacko if you review!! Wait...those are dog treats...erm...Mars bars, anyone? "


	4. Sweet Punishment

**A/N: **Hey guys! First of all, I want to say a huge thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers! ((Gives each of you a Mars Bar. King size!)) (Don't you just love Mars Bars? Lol!) You guys really inspire me to write more, and if I don't write more for a while, your reviews make me feel so guilty because I've let you all down and so I end up writing heaps more to make it up to you guys! Anyway, here's the fourth chapter of my story, and don't worry, the plot is slowly going to emerge in the next few chapters. In these first few chapters, I'm trying to establish the mood, the characters, and the relationship (or rather, the chemistry!) between Malfoy and Hermione. Don't worry, my title, "Hogwarts At The Zoo", will soon come into play...that's the part that's really going to be funny, interesting and full of DM-HG romance...or so I hope!

**Disclaimer: **If I really owned the Harry Potter series, I'd be sitting back and lazing around in that big old mansion, watching the money rolling in. Unfortunately for me, I don't own the books; J.K. Rowling does, so I don't get to watch the money streaming in. Anyone pity me? I guess not, huh? Oh well...on with the story! Enjoy, most wonderful readers who will, naturally, be kind and review!!!

**Hogwarts At The Zoo**

Chapter Four: Sweet Punishment

"Well, well, looks like the Mudblood has run out of places to run to and hide. Ready to apologise yet? If you do, I won't be quite so harsh in my punishment." He smirked at her balefully, eyes narrowed to slits of silver. _'If looks could kill, I'd be dead three times already.' _Hermione thought uneasily, backing away from the taller and much more powerful boy in front of her. He just laughed cruelly and stepped towards her, eyes glittering in triumph as he savagely grabbed her arm and wrenched her towards him.

x.::.X.::.x

Hermione gasped as she felt Malfoy's hand wrap tightly around her arm and jerk her towards him. Panic swam through her as she screamed and attempted to kick her way free. _'He's going to kill me! Hermione, you really are an idiot, who else would just stupidly decide to hit Hogwart's psycho Ferret Boy!'_ He laughed cruelly at her and slammed her up against the wall. Hermione panted heavily as she looked into his molten pits of silver. For the first time in her life, she was afraid. Desperately, she tried to slide past the blonde boy, towards the door. He smirked at her as he casually leant his hands on either side of her on the stone wall. Hermione was sorely tempted to bite his hand and run off, before remembering that physical violence was what had landed her in this predicament in the first place. Realising her mouth was poised to bite, she hastily snapped it shut.

He leant over and murmured in ear, "Didn't I tell you, Mudblood, if you apologised I wouldn't be quite so harsh? I can't hear you yet."

Hermione forgot she was trapped between Malfoy and his bedroom wall, and instead looked up at him, eyes blazing indignantly. "I would never apologise to an evil, horrible ba-" She stopped suddenly as she felt teeth nip at her neck. "Wh- what are you doing, Malfoy?"

"Punishing you, Granger. Now do me a favour and shut up."

"Excuse me? How dare you-"

"You're excused. Now shut up."

"What?!" Hermione wasn't amused by his joke. She was, to put it mildly, seriously angry. And confused. _'Why is he doing this? He hates me, I hate him. Simple.' _Malfoy trailed kisses along her neck and up her jawline. Hermione bit her lip, wincing as she drew blood, to stop herself from moaning out loud. She struggled against the iron arms now around her waist, but to no avail. He smirked against her neck and moved his lips up to her own. Her hands stopped pushing against his chest and ever so slowly came up to circle Malfoy's neck. He abruptly took control of the kiss, first running his tongue across her lips, tasting her blood, then, when she didn't open her mouth, he bit her lip. Hermione gasped, but it was muffled as his tongue plunged into her mouth.

"Mmmphh!" she managed to sound out indignantly, furious at the blonde Slytherin. He smirked against her lips, and then deepened the kiss, almost savagely. Hermione's knees suddenly buckled as she was swamped with a rush of emotions and feelings, sending her brain spiralling downwards and away into bliss. Malfoy caught her, holding her limp form in his arms as he continued to kiss the living daylights out of the brunette. He dragged his head up, eyes swirling with molten silver, heaving in a ragged breath. Hermione panted, her eyes closed as she tried to bring her mind back into focus.

The rational side of her, the part that was screaming at her to stop, to push him away, was suddenly smothered under a layer of desire as Malfoy once more lowered his head and devoured her lips. His tongue ran impatiently across her lip, demanding entrance. Hermione opened her mouth willingly, gasping before losing herself in the kiss as his tongue explored her mouth. She suddenly wanted more, more from him, and returned the kiss with full force. He let her tongue slip into his mouth, dancing with his own, before taking control once more. One hand slid up from her waist to massage her back, whilst the other trailed upwards to bury itself in her hair. Malfoy pulled away slightly, and buried his face in her hair, noticing briefly that it smelled like fresh, sweet fruit. 'Strawberries, to be exact.' he mused hazily.

Hermione's rational senses suddenly returned as she realised with dawning horror that she had just willingly kissed her arch-nemesis. Albeit a highly attractive enemy, but still a deeply hated enemy. _'Harry and Ron are going to kill me! That's if I don't kill myself first! What's wrong with me? Since when do I go around kissing guys? ...And is he smelling my hair?' _Abruptly, she shoved her hands against Malfoy's chest, desperate to get away from him and the disturbing thoughts he caused in her. He smirked at her as he spun her around and slid his arms around her, leaning over to breathe into her ear. "Did you like that, Granger?" he laughed softly as he felt shivers going up and down her spine, and heard her small intake of breath. He bit her ear, and then trailed his mouth downwards to bite her neck and kiss the pain away. "Too bad, I'm only doing this for fun, and you actually thought I seriously liked you, right, Mudblood?" She felt him sneer next to her ear. "Just remember: you mean nothing to me, absolutely nothing. Today has just proved you're just like all the other girls. You're just another play toy for me. Poor Potter and Weasel – they don't know what they're missing out on. Too bad; you're mine to do with as I wish now, Mudblood." He released her, shoving her towards the now open door leading into the hallway.

She stumbled past the doorframe before turning to scream out at the arrogant boy. "I hate you! And you don't own me!" He slammed the door in her face. "Aaaarrgghhh! You are so annoying! You horrible, insufferable, evil, furry..." A pause. "...Ferret!" she announced triumphantly to the wooden door. Silence greeted her from the other side. She suddenly frowned. _'No response...I need to work on my insults...it wasn't really _that _bad, was it?' _Hermione sighed and trudged to her Head Girl room, her fingers unconsciously lifting to trail across her swollen lips, a dreamy expression on her face.

x.::.X.::.x

Hermione burst through the doors leading into the Great Hall, a ridiculously cheerful smile on her face. Harry and Ron looked at each other for a moment, disturbed.

"D'you think it really is PMS?" Ron asked dubiously, looking at Hermione.

Harry shrugged. "Well, her moods have been erratic...then again, maybe she just managed to get in a good jinx or two at Malfoy last night...I bet Hermione would know how to turn him all fluffy and white again!" Ron sniggered.

Parvati and Lavender swivelled around in their chairs to watch Hermione's bouncy approach. They looked at each other knowingly, exchanging winks.

"Looks like our Hermione has finally grown into a woman." Lavender giggled. Parvati laughed along with her.

Ron and Harry edged away from them slowly, dragging their chairs with them.

"What the heck are they talking about?" Ron asked, perplexed.

"No idea. You know they're insane gossipers, Ron, who really cares what they say?" Harry murmured, eyes on the brown haired Gryffindor girl.

Hermione smiled brightly at the two boys as she sat down. Seizing a plate, she piled pancakes on it and dribbled maple syrup liberally over the four cakes. Humming to herself, she transfigured two globs of butter into two scoops of vanilla ice cream. Satisfied, Hogwart's famous Gryffindor bookworm dug into her hearty breakfast. Harry and Ron stared. And stared some more. The boys shook their heads, sending Hermione incredulous looks as they finished their own breakfasts.

Unnoticed by all three, a pair of slate grey eyes watched Hermione carefully, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. _'You're all mine, Granger.'_

x.::.X.::.x

"Double Potions." Harry groaned as he trudged down to the dungeons with Hermione. "Great way to start off school with a bang."

"Honestly, Harry, you know that you need Advanced Potions in order to be an Auror, so stop complaining. It's not that bad."

"Not that bad? Have you completely forgotten how Snape treats us? Hermione, we're the only Gryffindors left who are stupid enough to take Potions for an extra year! It's going to be hell!"

"Well, I suppose so, but if you would just _try_ not to aggravate Snape, he might not be so horrible –"

"Well, well, well, what have we here? The Mudblood and her master, Saint bloody Potter." Malfoy sneered. "Looking forward to Potions, are we?" he motioned to Goyle and Crabbe, who shoved Harry aside rudely. Malfoy imperiously swept past them, purposefully bumping into Hermione with his shoulder. He leaned over, his blonde hair brushing her neck lightly. "I think you'll enjoy this lesson, Granger. With me. Or maybe only the Slytherins will enjoy this lesson." He laughed as he saw her face pale slightly and strutted into the dungeon classroom, black robes billowing out behind him. With one elegant finger, he beckoned to his lackeys. They gave Harry one last shove before following the blonde boy inside.

Harry and Hermione exchanged worried glances, before hurrying into the classroom after spotting Snape behind them. Apparently, something bad was going to happen in their first class for their seventh year, according to Malfoy. And while Hermione hated to admit it, Malfoy was always right.


	5. I Think He's Finally Cracked It

**A/N: **Hi everyone! Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! In this Chapter, you will finally see the title of the story coming into play! Woo hoo! Aren't you all excited? Hrm…or maybe not…

_Citcat299: _If you mean MLC as in that private girl's high school, then no, I don't go there. I live in Melbourne, (Australia P) and I go to a school called OLSH (Our Lady Of The Sacred Heart).

_Lauren: _potions classroom scene coming up right now! Sorry about the cliffhanger, but to be truthful, I ran out of ideas as to what would happen in the Potions class and left it there!

_Jam: _Thanks so much for your review! Keep reading and reviewing!

_Silent Serpent: _Thanks for another of your reviews! And, yes, I know you hate cliffs, but inspiration left me and I had to end the chapter there and post it!

_Xoxofairygurlxoxo: _I hope this chapter is just as good for you to read!

_Dracolover: _Thanks for the positive response and the compliments!

_Mimi: _Aha! Yay! I have converted another person to like DM-HG shippers! Insert evil cackle here Glad to see you enjoy reading my fic, and thanks for the link. Oh, and don't worry, I don't ever plan on giving up on this story! I have great plans for this story! )

_Zuvalupa: _Thanks again for another positive review! And, yes, I know, I'm an evil writer for leaving you guys with another cliffy, but it was out of necessity! You see, I had a fight with my inspiration – it wanted me to write about Harry getting his head stuck in a cauldron - so when I refused, it ran away from me and I couldn't write any more of my story! Ahem…well…that's the imaginative view of what happened, anyway!

**Disclaimer: **Nope, don't own a thing except the plot.

Hogwarts At The Zoo 

_Chapter Five: I Think He's Finally Cracked It._

Hermione and Harry hurriedly sat down at their usual desk just as Snape swept imperiously into the classroom.

He smirked at the two Gryffindors. "Ah, I see, as usual, the Gryffindors are struggling to attend my class on time. Twenty points from Gryffindor for almost being late. _Each_." The Slytherins sniggered as an anxious Hermione pulled Harry, eyes blazing, back into his seat.

"_Harry!_" She hissed. "He's just trying to bait you! Stop it." He stopped struggling and settled into his seat with one last baleful glare at Snape.

Snape smirked at them, eyes glittering before turning to stand behind his desk. He pulled out a piece of paper, and suddenly smiled. The class, Slytherins and the two Gryffindors alike, gulped and looked around nervously. Snape _never_ smiled. He wasn't happy even when he'd had a few Fire Whiskies, let alone be happy for no reason at all in the first class of the year.

"When I call your name, stand up and sit next to the following person I call out on the list. They will be your partners for the year. The Ministry has deemed it necessary for students at similar competence levels in classes to be partnered to provide a matching working partner and enable students to receive better marks. There will be no complaining as to who your partner is. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir." The class mumbled.

"Excellent. Zabini and Bulstrode. Potter and Parkinson." Harry groaned and moved over beside Pansy, shooting her a glare. Pansy happily returned it, then turned to Snape and opened her mouth.

"No complaints, Parkinson." Snape growled.

"But, Professor, I wanted to be with my precious Drakie-Pooh – "

To Hermione's amusement, Malfoy blanched and shot Pansy a nasty glare, while Snape lost his temper and roared at Pansy, a tic going off widely in his temple. "_Quiet!_ I have chosen partners that match each of you by your standards of potion making. Whinge one more time, Parkinson, and I will gladly give you a week's worth of detention. Now," he glared maliciously at the class, "let's continue. Granger and –" he paused, glanced at his list, then smirked. "And Malfoy."

"_What?_" Hermione jerked upright, staring incredulously at Snape. Malfoy looked equally shocked, then snapped out of it and sent Hermione a suggestive look as he patted the seat next to him. Hermione sent him a nasty glare, caught sight of Snape's scowling face and hurriedly leapt into the seat beside Hogwart's bouncing ferret.

She groaned and slumped down in her seat, burying her head in her arms. The blonde boy looked highly amused as he poked the brown haired girl who emitted a loader groan and smacked his hand away.

"Bugger off, Malfoy! Nobody likes a ferret with bleached hair." Hermione growled.

"If you would so kind as to pay attention whilst I assign you and your partner your new project, Miss Granger, I may be so kind in return as to only take, say, a mere fifty points from Gryffindor."

Hermione frantically shot up straight in her seat, her eyes landing on a laughing Malfoy and a highly irritated Potions Professor.

"Sorry, sir." She managed to squeak out.

Snape ignored her apology. "Forty points from Gryffindor for slacking off in my class, Miss Granger. Now, I have paired you two together as you are the best Advanced Potions students I have ever taught." He shot a nasty glare at Hermione. "That will be the only compliment I will ever give to a Gryffindor, Miss Granger, so make the most of it." He continued after another sour look at the brunette. "I have assembled a list of highly advanced potions for you to look through. Your task is to successfully brew two of these potions, and submit a report written by both of you for each potion. I trust, Miss Granger, that you are now mature enough to work in a sensible manner with Mr. Malfoy and avoid any unseemly…arguments."

Hermione reined in her temper with difficulty, and stiffly replied, "Yes, Professor."

"Good." Snape handed Malfoy the list, and swooped off to deal with a hysterical Pansy. Harry, sitting glumly beside the wailing pug-faced girl, was gazing forlornly towards the door.

Hermione turned to Malfoy and pointedly looked at the parchment in his hand.

Malfoy scowled at her, and thrust the list towards her. "You read it then, Mudblood." He muttered resentfully, crossing his arms and slouching back disdainfully in his chair.

Hermione sighed and gazed at the list. "All right, let's see…Wolfsbane Potion…now that will be fairly difficult to make…Hellsbora Solution…well, that's certainly much less complex…what else…ah – oh – erm, well, maybe not that one…"

"What is it?" Malfoy was sitting upright now, his silver eyes boring into her pink-tinged face.

"Oh…the Polyjuice Potion, but I don't think we'll make that one…oh, see, here's a better potion, the – "

Malfoy cut her off abruptly, looking at her suspiciously. "Why not?"

"Er – what, Malfoy?" Hermione mumbled, glancing up at him in feigned confusion, her heart hammering.

Malfoy's eyes swept over her relaxed figure – perhaps he had been wrong. He scrutinized her more carefully, and realized that she was overly relaxed and there was a flash of nervousness in her eyes for a second. His eyes narrowed. "I said, why can't we make the Polyjuice Potion?"

"Um, well, you see…" _'Because Snape would realize I'd had experience in making this potion before, that's why.'_ Hermione glanced nervously around the classroom, stalling for time. _'Think, Hermione, think! He isn't going to buy this act for long.'_ She sat up straighter and plastered a bland look on her face. Malfoy, eyes still narrowed, instantly saw through the façade. She managed to babble out a pitiful excuse underneath his stern gaze. "Erm, well, because, Ferret-Boy, I don't think we should make such a complex potion when we both know that we'll be too busy arguing to pay the proper amount of attention to the potion, and…" Hermione's voice trailed off as she looked upon Malfoy's face with dawning horror. She could almost literally see the clogs and wheels turning in his mind.

Suddenly, his eyes gleamed. "Snape told me, back in second year, that someone had stolen Boomslang Skin from his private Potion ingredients cupboard…Boomslang skin isn't available to students, and it's the prime ingredient in the Polyjuice Potion, isn't it, _Hermione_?" He smirked at her.

Hermione's face paled, and she looked horrified. Snape would _murder_ her when he found out. "Oh, Malfoy, for goodness' sake, _don't_ tell Snape!"

He laughed maliciously. "You don't want him to guess that you've already made it before, do you? He'll notice how easily you brew the potion…as though it was…familiar to you." He turned towards Snape, opening his mouth after smiling smugly at her.

She clapped a hand over his mouth. "Malfoy – "

He slapped her hand away furiously, and opened his mouth once more.

"Mal-_foy_!" Hermione hissed. "Shut. _Up_. I'll do anything, I swear, just _don't _tell Snape, he'll kill me!"

Malfoy raised an eyebrow as he swung round to face her. "_Anything_, my little Mudblood?"

Hermione groaned and thumped her head on the desk "Idiot!" She berated herself.

Malfoy laughed. "I'll be nice, Mudblood. I won't tell Snape, but in return, seeing as you're so willing to do 'anything', I want you to do whatever I say for the rest of the week. Deal, Granger?" He held out his hand.

Hermione sighed. "Do I even have a choice?"

"No, not really."

"Figures."

She reluctantly stretched out her hand to Malfoy.

……x.::.X.::.x……x.::.X.::.x……x.::.X.::.x……

Hermione rushed into the Great Hall for lunch, her brown curls flying madly as she careened past a frightened Hufflepuff first year and landed with a sigh between Harry and Ron at the Gryffindor table.

Grabbing a plate, she proceeded to pile scrambled egg on hot toast, showered it with salt and bacon, and dug in happily with her knife and fork. Harry and Ron stared in awe, open-mouthed, as she wolfed down her lunch in two minutes flat.

"Er…" said a bemused Harry.

"Er…" Ron agreed, his jaw hanging down still.

The boys exchanged confused looks as Hermione finished eating, took a long swig of pumpkin juice, then abruptly began to beat her head upon the table, muttering to herself.

"Idiot…idiot…idiot…idiot…blithering, idiotic little _fool_…" Hermione mumbled, barely coherent.

"_Hermione!_" Harry exclaimed, alarmed, as she grabbed a plate and made to beat herself over the head with it. He reached over and tugged the heavy gold plate out of her hands.

"That's enough." Harry said firmly. "I think you've managed to use your head to destroy everything in the vicinity. Somehow, I think Dumbledore would like to keep his plates intact."

"Blimey, Hermione," Ron said, glancing around at the destruction she had caused, "What's gotten into you today? You can't _still _be PMSing! Can she?" he added uncertainly to Harry.

Harry paused his lecture to Hermione on the dangers of plates versus human heads and stared at Ron. "How would I know?! What d'you think I am, a girl?"

Neville raced up and sat across from the Golden Trio. "Guess what, guys, Grandma sent me the new edition of…" he trailed off as he saw the bent table, Hermione moaning and trying to hit her head on the table again, and Ron and Harry having a heated debate about PMS. He turned wide, horrified eyes to Seamus and Dean. Dean was howling with laughter and nearly falling off his chair, whilst Seamus sat calmly buttering a bread roll and singing to himself.

"What's – what's the matterwith them, Seamus?" Neville whispered, edging away nervously from the Golden Trio as Harry began a battle with Hermione over control of the plate.

Ron took no notice of Harry and Hermione's epic plate war and was still busy arguing loudly. "Honestly, Harry, Hermione _can't _still be under the effects of PMS – she's obviously cracked it under the extra work load – "

Neville turned back towards Seamus, looking extremely pale. "What's _wrong _with them?" he wailed in despair.

Seamus turned to him, raising an eyebrow. "You mean Harry, Hermione and Ron?"

Neville nodded frantically. Finally, someone at the Gryffindor table with a thread of sanity in them!

"Well," Seamus said thoughtfully, "I've always suspected that Ron was a bit off his rocker, and it's no wonder Hermione's gone all funny, what with hanging around Ron and homework so much…and poor Harry's just caught in the crossfire between Hermione and the plate, you see?" he finished off earnestly.

Neville looked utterly bewildered. Seamus helpfully pointed behind Neville, and the boy, turning in his seat, was greeted with the site of Harry and Hermione on the floor wrestling over a golden plate.

"We're all going to go mad, you know," Seamus added cheerfully. "Enjoy it while it lasts, because with them around, we'll soon all be like that."

Neville gave Seamus one last terrified glance before leaping up and bolting out of the Great Hall, howling all the way. Dean's chair fell backwards, and he clutched his stomach as he rolled on the floor laughing hysterically.

From the Slytherin table, a pair of slate grey eyes, tinted with blue, watched the debacle unfolding on the Gryffindor table with mirth. His mouth curved into an amused smile as he watched the battle between Harry and Hermione and Neville's abrupt flight from the hall. His gaze landed once more on Hermione as he observed her viciously fighting Harry for the plate whilst on the floor. He only pulled his eyes away when Pansy's irritating voice finally penetrated through the fog in his mind. With a sigh, he turned back to his conversation with Blaise Zabini and Pansy.

Harry climbed back onto his seat after finally winning the plate war with Hermione, and dragged her up onto the seat beside him.

"Right," Harry began, glaring resentfully at both Ron and Hermione. "Ron, next time, instead of continuing an utterly pointless debate with yourself, _help _me, would you? And Hermione – what on earth is _wrong_ with you? At this stage, I'm tempted to steal the straightjacket that I'm sure the Dursleys have stored for me in their cupboard, and use it on _you._"

Hermione suddenly burst into tears. "Oh, _Harry_, it's horrible! It's _Malfoy_…he found out in Potions that we made the Polyjuice Potion back in our second year." Hermione continued on, outlining the whole morning of double potions to Ron and Harry. By the end, Ron was glowering and sending Malfoy death glares more deadly than ever before, and Harry looked stunned, then angry.

"So, basically, he's blackmailing you to be his – his – _servant – _for the week?" Harry asked her. He turned to look at Ron and noticed that he was making strangling motions with his hands. "You know," Harry added thoughtfully, "I do believe Ron actually has the right idea this time."

Hermione laughed as she slumped down in her seat. "Don't be ridiculous, Harry, violence is not the answer – you should know that by now." She shifted guiltily in her seat and glanced over to Malfoy, remembering her most recent fight with Malfoy and how she had slapped him – again. She sighed. "Look, guys, I know you're angry, but there isn't much you can do, and it's a wizard's deal, so I have to go through with it now. Besides," she added with a falsely bright smile, "it's Malfoy – what can he possibly do that will be terrible enough to send me screaming and running? You two know I'll hex him to hell and back – or maybe not back, come to think of it – before he even begins to start any funny business with me." She winked at them. "You should be more worried about Malfoy sustaining any permanent harm rather than _me._"

Harry and Ron still looked concerned, and Ron was still shooting Malfoy poisonous glares, but they shrugged and settled back into their seats as Dumbledore stood up and called for the students' attention.

Dumbledore beamed around at his students. "I have an announcement to make that I am quite sure will please the sixth and seventh years." He smiled apologetically as groans arose from the younger students who were excluded. "This year, the Minister of Magic has requested that Hogwarts students should all be given the chance to associate with Muggles in their entirely non-magical environment, and that you should be able to be given the chance to study their wildlife as well. The teachers and I have come to the conclusion, and the Minister has approved, that from now on, the sixth and seventh years will be taken to a Muggle Zoo for a day every year to experience a non-magical environment, to converse with Muggles on their own ground, and to learn about their animals, many of which, you will find, are similar to our own magical creatures. I am pleased to say that the trip will take place at the end of this week, on Friday. That is all. Good afternoon, students."

Malfoy looked sour as he turned to face his best friend, Blaise Zabini. He had firmly told Goyle and Crabbe to never come near him again after finding them in the dorm at the end of sixth year making out on Goyle's bed. Malfoy was, needless to say, deeply horrified by the sight, and was sure there would be permanent scarring. He had, naturally, told his bodyguards to stay far away from him – besides, he was older now and perfectly capable of defending himself from the Weasel's temper tantrums. He had always come to Blaise when he wanted to have a sensible, intelligent conversation – as far as he knew, he and Blaise were the only perfectly literate students in the whole of the Slytherin House – and over the past year, they had grown to become best friends.

"Brilliant." He said glumly. "Now the old bat's making us converse with the silly Muggles he loves so much for a whole _day_. At a _zoo._ Bloody _brilliant._" He added again, slouching down in his seat even further as he shot Dumbledore a nasty glare. He could've sworn Dumbledore turned to face him and winked merrily, but perhaps he was just going slightly mad, like the rest of his seventh year peers seemed to be.

Blaise gazed thoughtfully up at Dumbledore for a moment. "I do believe Dumbledore has finally cracked it. I mean, look at this lot," here he gestured down the table, "none of them are going to be too happy about this arrangement – not at all. We're probably going to be the only Slytherins not writing to dear Mummy and Daddy immediately to complain about it – after all, _we_ know Muggles aren't all that bad, really."

"Don't be so sure about me, my friend." Malfoy said dryly. "I just might write home to 'Mummy dearest' and tell her to take me away from this madhouse of a school."

Blaise turned to grin at him. "But, Malfoy, isn't it fun to see everyone going mad around you? Why, have a look at the earlier plate war between Hermione Granger and the Potter kid. Rather entertaining, really."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a very, _very_, strange boy, Zabini?"

"Many, come to think of it."

"I wonder why." Malfoy rolled his eyes, his mouth twitching upwards slightly.

"_Brilliant!_" Ron exclaimed as he viewed his timetable. "We're going to miss _Double_ Potions, Divination and Herbology."

Harry grinned. "Cool."

Hermione looked ecstatic. "Oh, good! Hopefully those silly Slytherins will finally see that Muggles aren't the savages they think they are, and maybe they might learn some respect for the poor Muggles. Besides, I haven't been to a zoo for ages, Mum and Dad have been too busy drilling holes in clients' teeth…"

The silly Slytherins in question, however, were a sour bunch that afternoon, muttering darkly to each other and casting resentful glares up at Dumbledore during the rest of lunch and dinner. Naturally, the Gryffindors were enjoying themselves immensely at the Slytherin' discomfort and disappointment, and wasted no time in taunting the Slytherins and warning them about all the terrible horrors contained in Muggle Zoos.

Hermione, dragging Ron and Ginny, the Gryffindor prefects, with her, was constantly off berating her fellow Gryffindors and docking house points after finding a poor sixth year Slytherin hyperventilating and crying out about how the Muggle Zoo keepers were planning to boil him for the elephant's dinner.

By the end of day, Ginny was struggling to keep her laughter in check, Ron was bitterly complaining about how his feet hurt and trying to convince his fellow Gryffindors that he was really on their side, not Hermione's, and Hermione herself was looking highly irritated and tired as she dragged the red-heads with her through the Fat Lady's Portrait.

A grinning Harry met them at the door, and almost instantly he and Ron had whipped out the Wizard Chess set and were engaged in a furious battle. Ginny and Hermione sat back and watched it all, discussing things that boys will just never understand. They eventually drifted off to the sounds of "Aha! Get him, _get him!_" and "No, you're a castle, a pawn can't beat you! What are you doing, you silly chess piece?". It wasn't until the clock chimed at midnight that Hermione woke up from her comfy spot on the red, plush couch and realized she had missed her patrol with Malfoy.

One deranged scream and a flying mass of brown curls later, Hermione was scrambling out the door and sprinting towards the Heads' dorm, praying that Malfoy had forgotten about their patrol duties too.


	6. The Joys Of Patrol Duties

**A/N: **I'm back! With another chapter! Amazing! Aren't you happy? I am! Ahem….yes…well…anyway…

A huge "THANK YOU!!!!" a million times over goes out to each and every one of my reviewers, and to those of you who are reading this but are too lazy to write either just even "good" or "bad" in a review…shame on you!!!

**Disclaimer: **I sincerely wish I owned the Harry Potter books, or even the movies, but those honours, unfortunately for me, go to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. I only take Rowling's characters and send them tumbling into insane stories that would never normally occur at the fictional place of Hogwarts.

And now….I present to you….

Hogwarts At The Zoo 

_Chapter Six: _

Hermione leapt down the stairs two at a time, reached the bottom and swerved alarmingly round the next corner. Panting, she sprinted down the last corridor and skidded to a halt in front of the lion and snake statue.

"Tao yen zhí ai." She managed to gasp out, and the huge statue moved aside. "Oh, Malfoy is going to be so angry." She muttered to herself as she wrenched the heavy wooden door open and slipped into the common room. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief as she saw that there was no furious Malfoy lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce on her. She hurriedly made her way past the couch towards her room, intent on dumping her books and heading out after Malfoy for a _very _late patrol round.

"I don't suppose you'd care to tell me why you're an _hour_ late for patrol?" A voice drawled behind her.

Hermione's eyes widened as she turned to face the blonde Slytherin, who was nonchalantly studying his nails. "Umm…well – er – you see, I had to…to…" She trailed off, staring guiltily at him.

He raised an elegant eyebrow at her as her stuttering ground to a halt. Hermione anxiously chewed her lip and cringed at the thought of Malfoy going to Dumbledore about her failing to attend patrol on time.

Malfoy's mouth twitched slightly at the corners as he caught her guilty look and that absolutely adorable habit she had of biting her lip. He decided to take pity on her. "Don't worry, I've already done half of the patrol, we'll do the rest in a minute. I won't report you to Dumbledore – at least not _this _time – because I happen to know you were busy all afternoon and evening doing a makeshift patrol of your own. As to why you'd stop your precious Gryffindors taunting us 'terrible, slimy, _evil_' Slytherins is beyond me, though."

"You're not – not…oh, not _all _of you Slytherins are horrible!" Hermione burst out suddenly, her eyes blazing. "You sound like you're reciting something _Ron _would say He won't give any of you a chance, but I think some of you do deserve a chance! Not many, but still…" Hermione noticed his silver eyes boring into her face, a frown slightly marring his face, and she stopped slowly, backing away slightly. Perhaps it was an _insult_ to a Slytherin to say they weren't evil?

Malfoy jerked forwards and grabbed her arms, pulling her towards him. "_What _did you say, Granger?"

Hermione gazed up at him, frightened, and struggled desperately in his iron grip. He tightened his hold on her, and she winced in pain. He glanced at her, startled, and loosened his grip, instead gently pushing her down onto the green leather couch. Hermione stared up at him, her eyes wide.

"Answer me." Malfoy demanded softly.

Hermione gulped. "I said…that – that…you're not…that you Slytherins aren't – well, as bad as everyone else thinks you are. And I'm really, _really_, sorry if I've offended you by – by…well, calling you nice or whatever – " She broke off abruptly as he sank down beside her and laughed. Disturbed at seeing Malfoy actually _laugh_, she edged slowly away from him. It was almost as alarming as seeing Snape actually _smile_ earlier in potions.

He stopped laughing and turned to face her, his eyes gleaming blue in the light. "Well, well…" he mused quietly, looking intently at her face. "I never would've guessed the Gryffindor Princess herself would've been one of the first people to look past names and faces. I really must introduce you to Blaise – he's already quite fond of you, thinks you're quite funny, actually, after the plate war at lunch today…wait till he finds out that you're intelligent enough to dig deeper than first impressions."

"You're not – not – mad, then, are you? At me suggesting that some of you are probably nicer than you seem?" Hermione asked tentatively, sliding back down the couch to face him.

"_Mad_? God, no, I'm pleased, Hermione, pleased indeed. It's comforting to know that at least _one_ student out there isn't completely biased against us." He glanced sharply at her. "Who did you have in mind, though, when you said that not all of us Slytherins are horrible?"

"Well…" Hermione looked uncomfortable. "Er…"

"So…you were lying, then? If you can't actually think of anyone in particular who spurred that comment…" He smirked inwardly, waiting for the inevitable answer to slip accidentally from her mouth.

"What? No!" Hermione exclaimed, aghast at being considered a liar. "I was actually thinking about _you_! And that Blaise Zabini person, the quiet one in my Arithmacy class, he never causes any serious trouble except for those sarcastic remarks that are more witty than nasty." She suddenly realised what she had blurted out, and clapped a hand to her mouth, mortified.

He smirked. "So…you think I'm not just a bad-ass Slytherin?"

Hermione sighed. "In all honesty? No." She looked at him and smiled slightly. "You're arrogant, cocky, and _incredibly_ annoying most of the time, but you have a certain charm, I must admit."

His smirk grew. "A charm, Hermione?"

She looked slightly uncomfortable. "Well, yes. There's really no other way to put it."

"Try 'damn sexy'."

She laughed. "You're incorrigible, Malfoy."

…o.::.O.::.o…

Hermione yawned as she followed Malfoy through the shadows in the corridor. Over the past half an hour of their patrol, she had learnt that he immensely enjoyed prowling silently through the corridors and leaping out at unsuspecting students to gleefully announce "_Detention_!".

"Ooommph!" she voiced loudly as she stumbled into his back as he stopped suddenly.

He turned to glare at her. "Quiet, there's someone up in the Astronomy Tower – probably pathetic lover birds who don't know how to stay quiet. Let's go spring them and give them, oh, say, a week's worth of detentions."

"You're evil, you know that?"

"Why, thank you, Hermione."

"Do we really want to see two people making out, Malfoy? Can't we just holler up there for them to come down? What else can they do, jump out the window to escape? There's only one exit, the stairs."

"Nah…what's the fun in that?"

"You just want to see the action and then ruin it for them!" Hermione whispered furiously.

"Naturally."

She rolled her eyes.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" It was dark, how could he possibly have seen her eyes moving?

"Roll your eyes at me."

"How do you _do_ that? I mean, know what I'm doing?"

"Skill, Granger, skill. Come on."

She groaned as she watched him move up the stairs, and firmly decided to stay put. Malfoy turned around, rolled his eyes, then reached out and dragged her upwards with him. Hermione glared at his back resentfully as they climbed up the two hundred odd steps.

As they reached the top, Hermione heard voices and muffled sounds. She jerked and glanced sharply up ahead, towards the sounds. It must have just been her imagination, because for a moment there it had sounded as though there were two _male _voices coming from above. She shook her head and trudged upwards in Malfoy's wake.

She stopped suddenly as they approached the doorway at the top of the staircase, her eyes widening – those were definitely male voices coming from ahead of them.

"Malfoy!" she whispered urgently, waving him over, "I'm almost positive there are two guys up ahead – I don't think we should interrupt – "

"Nonsense." Malfoy snapped back quietly, though he did look quite disturbed and glanced worriedly at the opening in front of them.

They crept through the doorway and looked towards the only source of light: a wand, discarded on the floor, glowing faintly at the tip.

Malfoy's face blanched as he looked upon a sight that he had wished to never, _ever_, witness again. Hermione's mouth opened in shock, and she suddenly looked slightly sick. They watched, horrified, as Goyle and Crabbe, clearly enjoying themselves, finished off their distinctly third base antics with disgustingly pleased grunting sounds.

"My poor, innocent, virgin eyes." Hermione moaned quietly, burying her face in Malfoy's back. "That is so _wrong_."

Malfoy shuddered at the sight before him. There were simply no words to describe how truly horrifyingthe sight of the two ugly, large boys having…fun… together was.

He snaked one arm behind him, and pressed Hermione closer against his back – she _really _did not need to see this.

Malfoy straightened slightly. "Crabbe, Goyle…find a less _public _room for your despicable activities…needless to say, the Head Girl and I are _appalled_ at your behaviour, and I must say I'm quite glad to land both of you with a month's worth of detention with Snape…or even Filch." he hissed angrily to his former body guards.

His lip curled as he watched them scramble upwards, grunting in surprise and stumbling around as they fixed their clothing…problem. Hermione buried her face deeper into the back of his robes and clenched her hands around clumps of his robe, muttering sounds of horror under her breath.

Crabbe and Goyle, stood, blinking dumbly at Malfoy, dim-witted expressions plastered on their ugly faces.

"_Well_?" Malfoy hissed. "Get lost, you lumbering fools!" They ran, tripping over their shoelaces as they scrambled down the stairs.

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Idiots." He muttered sourly.

He felt Hermione let go of his robes, and turned to face her. "You all right?" he asked her gently. "That's a sight that makes even me want to vomit and promptly commit suicide."

She laughed. "I never, ever, want to see something like ever again." She shuddered and looked slightly sick again for a moment. "That's – that's – just…eeeww…and…really, _really_…gross."

"I couldn't agree more. Let's go, shall we?"

"Definitely." Hermione said fervently, glancing around the room with a shudder.

…o.::.O.::.o…

Hermione leaned back on the green couch in the Head Dorm with a contented sigh. She opened one eye lazily as Malfoy sat down on the edge of the couch.

"You know," she murmured, "I do distinctly remember you saying that catching stupid 'lover birds' up at the Astronomy Tower was 'fun'." She opened her other eye and grinned cheekily at him. "I wouldn't say the sight we saw was…'fun'…but it was certainly…interesting…"

Malfoy snorted. "Only interesting if you're a fan of gay men, and I can assure you, I'm not. That's the second time I've seen those two together, and I think I wouldn't live through a third time. Damn, but that was seriously unpleasant to see."

She closed her eyes again and snuggled deeper into the couch. "If I remember correctly, _you_ were the one who insisted on going up there."

"We are not barging up there on patrol _ever _again."

"Oh, come on, Malfoy, why won't you admit that it was your fault we went up there?"

"Shut up."

"Make me."

He cocked an eyebrow and slid his gaze towards her lips. "Sure about that, Hermione?"

"On second thoughts, I think silence suits me."

"Damn."

"_Boys_…" Hermione grumbled good-naturedly.

"You know…I'm tempted to send the Weasel and the Hufflepuff prefect, Ernie Macmillan, up to the Astronomy Tower…you never know, it could be their dream come true…"

"That's not even remotely funny, Malfoy. Imagine if someone did that to you."

"Now _that _isn't funny." Malfoy muttered darkly.

"No. Well, not as long as I'm being dragged up there with you."

"So you'd leave me to suffer the horrors of that by myself, if you could?"

"Of course."

"Saving your own skin first is a very Slytherin-like trait, Granger."

"You're a bad influence, it seems."

He glared at her, and then smirked. "I but live to convert others to my evil ways."

"I think I knew that from day one at Hogwarts." Hermione replied dryly.

She shifted around on the couch, and then reached out to push him off the couch. "Get up, Malfoy." She said firmly as he groaned and attempted to sink deeper into the couch.

"No."

"Malfoy!"

He responded by lying down across her. Hermione glared at him and punched his shoulder. "Get up, you great big oaf. I don't want to go from bookworm Granger to squished Granger."

"Did you just punch me?"

"Yes, I did. And I'll do it again if you don't get up right now."

"I don't think so."

"Hah! Like you can stop me."

"Watch me." He suddenly sat up, then pounced on her once more and began to tickle her.

"Hey! That's unfair! Malfoy – stop – it – I can't – laughing – stop – Mal-_foy_!"

He stopped tickling her, his face now inches from her own. "Fine. I've stopped. Happy?"

"Very. Now get off, please." She felt the blood rush to her cheeks as he moved slightly and she realized that he was on top of her. Her breathing quickened slightly and she tried once more to shove him away, disturbed at the sensations he was evoking in her.

His eyes darkened as he heard her fast, irregular breathing and vaguely noticed her red-tinged cheeks. Coming to a sudden decision, he bent his head down and nipped at her neck. He smirked as he felt her gasp, and continued nipping and biting her neck, pausing occasionally to soothe it with his tongue and mouth. His smirk grew as he felt her arch her back ever so slightly and he moved to savagely claim her lips.

Hermione froze as she felt his warm lips devouring hers, then relaxed slightly. He dragged his teeth along her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth as his tongue followed his teeth. One of his hands slid behind her hand and tangled itself into her hair as his tongue swirled around hers. He retreated slightly, and smirked against her lips once more as he felt her tongue gently follow his.

Becoming impatient, he dragged his head up for a ragged breath of air before plunging his tongue once more into her mouth, more passionately this time. His other hand trailed downwards, across her chest and down to rest on her stomach, slipping inside her shirt. His eyes flamed suddenly as he felt her moan softly and unconsciously arch into his body. He felt a familiar heat surge through him, and pulled back, staring down at her. Her face flushed, she panted slightly as she stared up at him.

"Go." He whispered hoarsely, sitting upright once more. "Before I do something both of us will regret later."

She looked slightly hurt and confused as she slid off the couch. She made to disappear up the stairs leading to her room, but on the second last step, she paused and turned around to face him. "What did you mean, when you said we would regret it later?" she asked quietly.

He sighed and ran a hand though his hair. "I don't want to rush you, and have you filled with doubts the next day."

She studied him intently for a moment, and then nodded. As she slipped into her bedroom, her voice floated down the stairs. "You shouldn't hide underneath that bad-boy mask so often, Malfoy."

He glared half-heartedly up the stairs. How the _hell _did she always manage to pick through his outward masks?


	7. Get That Damn Camera!

**A/N: **Chapter Seven is up! Wow! I hope everyone's happy, and that this chapter is just as good for you to read! I'm running out of funny ideas at the moment, but I'll try to add in as much humour as I can!

Thank you once more to all of my wonderful, fantastic reviewers – I seriously love you guys, you're great and your reviews encourage me and keep me writing more!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

………Is that enough thank yous?

_DCMMFAN: _Maya is a nickname for Hermione. I'm glad to see that you like reading my fic, and yes, I'm trying to keep writing more and more!

_Simplyme89: _Thanks so much for your positive review!

_XX-Dracos-Dark-Queen-XX: _Glad to see I'm not the only one who finds my story funny!

_Zuvalupa: _I'm so happy! You review every chapter, and always have excellent, positive comments! Thanks!

_Bland Taste: _Wow…you've added it to your Fav. Stories list? I'm honoured! Thanks for your review!

_Jesska-14: _Happy New Year to you, too! Thanks for your review, and I promise I'll try to keep updating a.s.a.p!!!

_Whatever: _Yes, I'm extremely happy! Thanks for your review, and keep reading!

_Harryptaxd204: _Thanks so much for your review!

_Yokai Cesia and Chi: _Don't worry, the Zoo part will be appearing quite soon! Keep reading, and thanks for the review!

_Rosie: _Haha… there's another Draco-Hermione scene coming up right now! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Don't own a single thing, except for the slightly crazy plot…. Oh, all right, the completely crazy, wacky plot! …But you guys still like it, right?! :)

**Hogwarts At The Zoo**

_Chapter Seven: Get That Damn Camera!_

Hermione stretched luxuriously in her bed and opened one eye sleepily, eyeing the sunlight pouring through the curtains with annoyance. With a heavy sigh, she slid out of bed and padded across her bedroom in her dark blue shorts and pastel blue tank top. Yawning, she glanced blearily at her watch. '_Good…six thirty…Malfoy won't be up yet, the lazy git._' She grinned – she would surely have the bathroom all to herself for at least half an hour.

Just in case, she listened at the bathroom door, forgetting entirely that silencing spells had been put up around the door. Upon hearing no noise, she happily slipped inside, humming to herself with her eyes closed. She strolled to the sink and splashed water on her face. Wide awake now, she blindly groped for a towel, water dripping her down her face. Drying her face, she absently looked up at the mirror and promptly dropped the towel.

"_Aaaaaahhh!_"

"Aaaaaahhh!" Malfoy agreed whole-heartedly from the bathtub.

Hermione slapped her hands over her face. "First Crabbe and Goyle, now you!"

"Hey!" Malfoy interjected, offended. "Don't put me in the same category as those fools! At least I'm good looking!" He added.

"Oh, who cares if you're good looking? I don't need to _see _that!"

"Well, _I _care!"

"That's only because you're a vain, arrogant pretty boy!"

"_What?_"

"You heard me! Now, kindly get out before I have to be transferred to St. Mungo's padded rooms!"

"Hey, it's not _that _bad to see me like this! Most girls like it!"

"Well, I'm not one of those girls, obviously!"

"Come on, Hermione, take a look, you know you want to!" he teased her, smirking at her red cheeks.

"_Out!_" Hermione howled.

"All right, keep your hair on, I'm going, let me find a towel first. I'm not wandering starkers around the whole dorm. You never know when Dumbledore might decide to be 'funny' and pop in for a quick chat."

"There's like a one percent chance of that happening, Malfoy."

"One can never be too cautious."

He finished wrapping a white towel around his waist and turned to look at her. His eyes slid appreciatively over her body. "Nice pyjamas, Granger."

"Shut up. And what's with calling me Granger again? I thought you'd gone on to my first name." She slid an eye open, checking he was fully covered, and then opened both of her eyes.

"You don't call me by my first name."

"_Terribly_ sorry, Drakie-pooh. Happy now?"

He scowled at her. "No, actually, I'm not. Don't call me that. You sound like Pansy." To Hermione's amusement, he shuddered.

"So can I call you, then?"

"How about Draco?"

"That's a stupid name, you know. Though I must admit it does suit you quite well."

"It is not!"

"Is too!"

"It means Dragon! That's cool, not stupid!"

"Really? Then I take back my previous comment: it doesn't suit you at all. You're no dragon. You're more…fluffy, white…bouncy, even…"

He glowered at her. "That's not funny, Granger."

"Really? It is for me. I think it's Ron's favourite memory, actually. And Harry thinks it's funny, too."

"Shut up already."

"Calm down, I'm only joking, no need to get narky."

A raised eyebrow. "Narky, Hermione?"

"It just worked well with the sentence."

"Apparently."

"Shut up, will you?"

"If you insist. I'll just have to find other ways to entertain myself, then."

He smirked as he slipped behind her and slid his arms around her waist. He trailed feather light kisses up her neck, smirking when he felt her lean back into his chest with a soft sigh. Trailing his hands around her waist, he moved in front of her, beginning to bite and lick at her neck, in the spot that he knew affected her the most.

Hermione felt her knees tremble as Malfoy moved around her and bit her neck, following his teeth with his tongue. She slid an arm around his neck, the other moving up his muscled chest. She felt his smirk grow wider as he moved to her lips and passionately, roughly, kissed her, taking complete control, and she fell against him, her chest rising and falling with panting breaths.

Malfoy slid one arm up her back, supporting her even as he ran his fingers through her silky brown curls. He backed them up against the wall, and felt her unconsciously sliding her leg up and around his own. Suppressing a grin, he trailed his other hand down and slipped it underneath her top, massaging her flat stomach. He felt her groan as he teasingly brushed his fingers up higher, before sliding his hand out of her top.

Hermione, frustrated when he pulled his head up to draw in a breath, ran her fingers through his hair and tugged his head back down. She abruptly took control, sliding her tongue in his mouth and using her leg to pull him closer to her. She felt his slight grin as he matched her passion, then stole control of the kiss back from her.

Malfoy lifted his free hand and trailed it across her jaw and down her neck. Feeling her draw him closer, he slid his hand down to her chest, caressing her and making her arch her back with a low moan. Continuing his actions, he focused on the kiss, biting her lip and hungrily plunging his tongue into her mouth with a barely audible groan as she slid her hand down his chest towards the towel wrapped around his waist.

A loud cracking sound and a flash of green light caused the two to jump apart, panting heavily.

Malfoy smirked as he saw Hermione staring at him, her cheeks flushed and still breathing heavily. He absently brushed a curl of silky brown hair from her face and nodded towards the door. "Come on. Someone's here."

She smiled shakily and fixed her top before following him out of the bathroom and down into the common room.

Malfoy looked at her, his lips twitching upwards slightly. "Only a one percent chance, huh, Hermione?"

She stared incredulously at Dumbledore, who had flooed in from his office and was currently studying the painting on the wall above the fireplace.

He turned around, blue eyes twinkling merrily as he glanced at the pair. "I _do_ hope I wasn't interrupting anything."

Hermione got the sudden, nasty feeling that Dumbledore knew exactly what had been going on in the bathroom merely two minutes ago. She had the decency to blush a vivid red, while Malfoy rolled his eyes at her and remained impassive when Dumbledore's eyes flickered over to him.

"No, sir." Malfoy replied coolly. "There was just a slight problem over the bathroom rights."

Dumbledore's smile widened. "I see. Well, in that case," he glanced at Malfoy, amused to see him only wearing a towel, "I do hope your dispute over the bathroom has been resolved. Oh, and Mr. Malfoy, I believe the robes are stored in the cupboard next to the towel rack."

Malfoy scowled and stalked up the stairs, coming back after a minute with a robe wrapped loosely around him. He tossed another to Hermione.

She caught it, and glanced up at him enquiringly.

"Too skimpy." He grunted finally, gesturing vaguely at her clothes.

Dumbledore was watching the brief exchange with a delighted look on his face. As she slipped on the white, fluffy robe, Hermione sourly guessed that the Headmaster was ecstatic that at least one Gryffindor and one Slytherin were getting along fairly well.

"Well," Dumbledore began, beaming at them, "I just wanted to personally congratulate you two on becoming the Head Boy and Girl of Hogwarts, and also to remind you that now, more than ever before, Hogwarts needs you two to set an example to your peers and prove to them that inter-house relationships are, indeed, quite possible. However," He looked knowingly between them, "it appears that you two already have taken that idea into account. Well done, Mr. Malfoy, Miss. Granger. Now, if you don't mind, I have to get back to my office – Mr. Filch has submitted another form asking permission to get rid of Peeves. I must say, I will have to decline – the school needs a few trouble-makers to liven things up a bit. Good day."

Dumbledore turned, his purple robes with silver stars clashing horribly with the green couches, and thew a small fistful of powder into the fire. The fire roared up high, turning a bright green, and Dumbledore disappeared into it with a final smile at the two students.

"Well," Hermione began, struggling to restrain her laughter. "That was certainly unexpected. And weird." She added, fighting to keep her mouth in a straight line.

"A one percent chance, you said." Malfoy shook his head ruefully, then suddenly laughed. "Thank god I didn't listen to you – imagine if I hadn't been wearing that towel when Dumbledore came."

"He'd probably find it rather funny."

"The disturbing part about that is that you're probably quite right."

…o.::.O.::.o…

Malfoy sat down with a sigh at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. Grabbing his plate, he loaded it with toast, eggs and bacon and promptly dug in to the hearty meal. Blaise leaned back in his chair and watched, a smirk spreading across his face, as he saw Malfoy covertly glancing up every time the doors to the hall opened.

After the tenth time, he saw Malfoy stop eating as his eyes followed someone entering the hall. Following his gaze, Blaise's eyes settled upon the Head Girl, Hermione Granger. He grinned – his best friend was _clearly_ infatuated with the pretty Gryffindor girl.

"Interested in the Gryffindor princess now, Malfoy?"

"Fuck, no, Blaise. Don't be ridiculous." Malfoy snapped as he returned his attention to his breakfast.

Not that Malfoy would ever _admit _to actually liking the girl, though.

Blaise promptly decided that Malfoy's little denial problem would have to be fixed. He couldn't have his best friend in doubt over a girl. It wouldn't do, not at all.

Blaise briefly wondered whom he could enlist to help him on his new mission - to bring Draco and Hermione together. His eyes landed upon Ginny Weasley, close friend to the Golden Trio and an excellent match-maker to boot. _Perfect_.

…o.::.O.::.o…

Hermione, fervently wishing that it was a weekend, moved out of the Great Hall and headed for Arithmacy. She groaned when she saw Lavender and Parvati coming straight towards her. Seeing the Gryffindor Gossip Queens meant only one thing: run, or face having your every word spoken twisted into an insane and highly embarrassing rumour. She hitched her bag higher up on her shoulder and tried to gently shove people out of her way in a futile attempt to escape.

Hermione sighed as a whiff of perfume engulfed her and hands reached to pull her backwards and around to face the two gossiping girls.

"What?" She asked them grumpily.

"Why, Hermione, sweetie, there's no need to be so sulky! We just want to ask you a few questions, don't we, Lavvy?"

Lavender smiled prettily. "Hermione, honey, you might be able to hide the truth from Harry and Ron, but we're girls. We _know_ what that special glow in your face means."

"What glow?" Now she was really confused. These two were really the limit of girlish insanity and inane remarks.

They gasped dramatically, holding hands to their hearts. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Oh, you _poor_ thing," Parvati moaned, "Did you hear that, Lavvy? She doesn't even know what the glow is! Oh, I just knew we should have taken her under our wing sooner."

Lavender nodded in agreement. Hermione, on the other hand, looked even more disturbed and tried to edge away slowly into the crowd.

None of the girls noticed Malfoy and Blaise's eyes were focused on them, or rather, Hermione, as they continued to talk loudly.

"Let's go closer." Blaise suggested, eyeing the camera hidden behind Lavender's back with interest. "I want to hear what they're saying."

Malfoy raised an eyebrow but followed him silently.

"Hermione," Parvati continued, as Lavender stopped her from leaving, "The glow we're talking about is the one all girls get when they are kissed for the first time, or when they get a really special kiss from that special some one."

"So who's the lucky guy?" Lavender added, her eyes bright.

"That would be me," a voice drawled from behind them. They turned to find Draco Malfoy smirking at them. He suddenly grinned at Hermione. "Hermione, dear," he continued smoothly, "You forgot about that kiss I had promised you this morning."

Hermione glared. "Shut up, Malfoy. I know what you're doing, and it's not funny."

"Oh, come on, like you're really going to complain about another extra kiss."

Lavender and Parvati's heads swivelled back and forth between the two, shocked and highly excited expressions on their faces. Dimly, Hermione was reminded of people watching a tennis match.

Her thoughts were completely wiped out, though, when Malfoy promptly leaned over and pulled her into a deep kiss. She rolled her eyes, and then slid her arms around his neck, enjoying the feeling of his tongue roaming the inside of her mouth. A light flashed, and she pulled back, turning to stare in horror at the camera in Lavender's hands.

"Excellent work, Lavvy!" Parvati exclaimed. The girl smiled smugly.

"How…" Hermione said, dazed, then glared at the two girls. "You're going to post that picture up in the school, aren't you?"

"Naturally." Lavender replied coolly. "It's going to be the hottest gossip ever."

Hermione glared. "Where'd you even get the camera from?"

"Stole it from the Creevey kid." Lavender shrugged absently.

Hermione turned her glare to Malfoy, who was smirking. "You're _happy_ about this?" she demanded.

"Of course. Wait till Potter and Weasley see that." He said gleefully. "I've officially staked my claim on you now, you know." He added, quite seriously.

"_What?_" Hermione's gaze darkened considerably. She suddenly turned to face Lavender. "Give me that camera, please."

"No!" Lavender and Parvati scattered as Hermione made strangling motions with her hands and glared at them.

Hermione suddenly growled, and bolted after them, howling out, "Get back here! I said, _get back here!_ I'm Head Girl; I'm going to give you two detentions if you don't stop right now! _Give me that damncamera!_"

Blaise bent over, clutching his stomach and laughing loudly. Malfoy watched Hermione dashing after the other girls, her arms outstretched and formed into claws. His lips twitched into a crooked smile.

The bell rang and they headed to class, intending to save a seat for Hermione in Arithmacy.

…o.::.O.::.o…

Twenty minutes into the class, Hermione entered, looking frazzled, and told the teacher she had been out catching trouble-makers and dishing out detentions.

Malfoy's lips twitched as the teacher looked to him to confirm that Hermione had, indeed, been on Head student business, and he nodded, backing up her excuse.

Hermione sat down wearily at the seat saved for her between Malfoy and Blaise. She looked up at the window, groaned, and buried her head in her arms. The boys looked up to catch sight of Parvati and Lavender triumphantly dancing past, waving the camera.


End file.
